I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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