i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
