How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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