Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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