I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
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This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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