Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
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stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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