Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize