He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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