Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
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On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
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Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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