At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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