omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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