Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize