Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize