yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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