Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize