I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize