Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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