So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize