Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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