He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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