Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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