I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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