if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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