chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
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The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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