guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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