I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize