I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
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Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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