You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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