It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
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Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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