i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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