I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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