I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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