obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize