Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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