no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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