sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
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Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize