This girl is more easily done than said...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize