please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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