just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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