dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Drunk is not a location!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize