I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
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Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
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Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I could fuck to npr.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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