Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize