Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize