i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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