I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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