i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize