Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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