Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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