this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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