Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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