please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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