It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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