So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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